Banks For Nothing

Banks for nothing (or how we should pity bankers, draw a line under the current banker-bashing, get over it and just “move on”).

I know there’s lots of appeals on your time,

And that the outlook’s not very sunny,

But there’s a cause I’d like you to hear,

If you could just spare some of your money.

These poor unfortunate men,

Nigel & Tristram – not their real name,

Find themselves in desperate circumstances,

Tagged with the wrong kind of fame.

They’ve been accused of being fat cats,

Just because they’ve had to pursue profit,

But now the gravy train’s been derailed,

And the feeding trough they’re having to quit.

They can’t afford a new Ferrari this year,

Which is a cause of great remorse,

And their wives aren’t very pleased either -

They’re only driving around in a Porsche.

Can you imagine conditions at their home?

Can’t you just feel some of their pain,

Only having caviar twice a week,

And drinking a lesser brand of champagne?

A five-star life-style is hard to maintain -

You need a bonus in millions.

The banks are squeezing their pay-outs,

Even though they’ve been bailed out with billions.

It’s not these chaps’ own fault you know,

When they put their funds out beyond our borders,

Avoiding taxes and regulation:

Yes - they were just following orders.

With only three long holidays this year,

And only a few savings they’re stashing,

It’s time for us to “move on” & “get over it”,

And call a halt to this banker-bashing.

If we can draw a line under the past,

And stop our whinges, moanings & ravings,

These chaps will soon be helping us out -

Once they’ve got their hands on our savings.

“Interest rates” & “lending criteria”-

Let’s all stop our incessant rambling,

For trades and swaps & investments,

Are much more complex than just gambling!

It’s not like they treat it as a casino,

And the Treasury has lots of complex rules,

For if they didn’t always do that,

Well - we’d all be looking like fools!

  

All right, they’re closing our libraries,

Selling the forests & shutting the loos,

But can we blame these poor bankers,

For all of this terrible news?

Inflation, high charges, unemployment -

Let’s get right down to the nitty-gritty.

There may be a financial crisis,

But can we blame these poor boys in the City?

This new banking levy hit these guys hard,

Their yachts are facing some heavy weather.

Shouldn’t we all be helping them out now?

After all – aren’t we “all in this together”?

So please - send us a small contribution,

By mail, by text, or you can phone us.

Send us your cheques as soon as you can,

Marking the envelope “bankers’ bonus”.

And let’s forget all the troubles we’re facing,

Let’s stop our shouting and frothing.

Won’t you join me in helping them,

So that we don’t have to say “banks for nothing”?

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014