Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 30th November 2014
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. Living
in Bromham is not always a bowl of cherries.
One example occurred this week when one of the Parish Councillors,
admittedly a little tired and emotional after a long evening spent in Devizes’ Corn
Exchange’s KFC-sponsored Chicken Hall, decided to take a cab home to our little
village outpost. Accompanied by his
wife, the long-suffering Lady Celia Fatbottom, David “Richgit” Piglet thought
it would be a good idea to tell the cab-driver (Peter Slackbrain) which was the
best route to take. Unimpressed by the
sat-nav instructions and Slackbrain’s 30 years of local driving experience, Piglet
launched into a long and abusive diatribe, insulting the driver’s intelligence,
education, speech and vocabulary, accusing him of ruining their whole
evening. Slackbrain, defying his own
name, recorded the whole sorry episode on his mobile phone, later releasing it
to the media. Although he answered back
to Piglet very little, he did eventually let him out of the cab with a cheery
smile. It is not yet known how long it
took Piglet and his wife to walk the seventeen miles back home to the village.
2. And
on the final day of the trial in Bromham Crown Court, the former chief whip of
the Field Land-Owners’ Party (FLOP) in the Parish Council, Andrew Shitwell,
lost his libel case against the local policeman, Bobby Copper. Shitwell denied ever having called Copper an “oik”,
a “nerk” and a “total twallock”, but the judge decided that, on the balance of
probabilities, he probably had done, since Copper was not
public-school-educated, and probably too stupid and unimaginative to have ever
made up such terms of abuse.
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2014
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