The War In The Air

The War In The Air

I’m admitting a total defeat,

And it’s the pigeons that’s winning -

It was me that started this war,

But I’m more sinned against than sinning.

These flying rats invaded my garden,

And scared off the delicate birds.

I’ll admit I’ve never liked pigeons,

Nor treading in their copious turds.

They’re big buggers, and stupid -

I state these as obvious facts,

As I got overwhelmed by the results

Of their active digestive tracts.

It got everywhere you could think of:

So you had to pity the tiny blue-tit -

It dropped in for a dip at the bird-bath,

And ended up bathing in inches of s—t.

The greenhouse was quite covered -

It turned a strange shade of grey.

Soon the cats were wearing tin helmets,

To avoid the flak that was coming their way.

When I brought out my big air-rifle,

Behind the fence for cover they dived.

I netted, I wired, I tried to deter them,

And on the poison they simply thrived.

There was no stopping them I found:

They’ve got me trapped here in the shed,

But if I can get out of here alive,

I’ll pick a fight with the sparrows instead.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2015