Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 11th October 2015
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. The
scandal involving the Village Watercress (VW) is set to spread. It now appears
that, in independent tests, the nutrition benefits of eating large quantities
of the vegetable may have been exaggerated.
People eating the stuff in real life have not been blessed, as claimed,
with good digestion, clear skin and greater intelligence, but instead with
flatulence, loss of libido and mange. Vast
quantities of carrots, parsnips and brussels sprouts are now set to be recalled
in an attempt to avoid class-action suits from disgruntled vegetarians. Meat and fish-eaters were said to be
unaffected by the scandal, but subject to a certain amount of smugness.
2. The
Social Secretary of the Field Land-Owners Party (FLOP), Theresa “Might” Piglet
made a speech to the Parish Council on Thursday. In what has been described as a “divisive”
speech, she claimed that incomers to the Village were causing havoc to the
racial and genetic purity of the place.
In the Enoch Powell “Rivers Of Blood” Memorial Lecture, Ms Piglet warned
that traditional “Bromham Values” were being compromised, and that the future
of the Bromham Institute For The Terminally In-Bred was being put at risk.
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2015
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