National Treasures
I’m fed up of being just normal,
I want people to get my measure,
So I’m thinking of applying
To become A National Treasure.
I want people to look up to me,
As if I were a great monument,
Perhaps pay me a little more respect,
And treat me like a real gent.
It seems fairly easy to do -
You just have to be ubiquitous:
Be famous for being famous,
And avoid being iniquitous.
Billy Connolly, Sir Cliff Richard,
Sean Connery or Dame Maggi Smith,
Clare Balding, Sir Bruce Forsyth
This is the company I should be seen with!
Benedict Cumberbatch is another,
Peter Capaldi – you know! Doctor Who!
Hugh Bonneville and Gary Lineker,
We’re surrounded by good guys and true.
You obviously need to live long enough,
Like Judi Dench or Cilla Black,
Or be a nice guy, like that Stephen Fry,
So they keep on inviting you back.
For these are society’s role models,
Celebrity leaders of our nation,
Liked by everybody’s sister and mother,
Examples that provide inspiration.
But notoriety and exposure,
Appearing in tabloids and all of that caper,
May not be quite the right thing after all -
There’s good reasons not
to be in the paper!
I could mention that Max Clifford,
Rolf Harris, Jimmy Saville and Ken Dodd,
And Stuart Hall – each one a celebrity,
And every one turned out a real sod.
No - we’ve had to bring a few of them down,
So now we’re repenting at leisure -
I’m not sure it’s such a good idea,
I think I’ll stay as a hidden treasure!
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