Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 17th July 2016
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. Life
is returning to normal on the street of Bromham this morning after the failure
of an attempted coup by Seend Separatist fighters. Tractors and muck-spreaders were seen in the
lanes as villagers came out in a show of support and solidarity for the ruling
Parish Council. Sporadic gunfire was
heard, but that might have been Jez Piglet doing a spot of poaching in the
lower meadow, and the occasional rick was set ablaze, but we cannot rule out Saturday
night high jinx from the village Yoof.
The new leader of the PC, Teresa Green, has promised a swift and severe
clamp-down on unruly elements. She said
the she would deal very severely with leaders of the coup too.
2. The
new Parish Councillor for non-Bromham relations, Boris “Bojo” Piglet has laid
out the main aspects of his foreign policy.
In a speech yesterday he said, ‘Crikey! Well, me hearties, look here, we’re
going to have to speak to Johnny Foreigner in firm tones, don’t you know? Cripes!
But it’s nothing a stiff course in Whiff-whaff won’t sort out, of
course, but can’t be too careful with these non-Bromham sorts. Huzzah!’
Several foreign legations welcomed the speech in principle, but have
asked for a clear translation before commenting further.
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2016
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