Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 25th September 2016
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. In
a shock result this week, Jezza “Cor” Bean won a popularity contest, against
some other bloke we’ve never heard of by the massive majority of two votes to
one. The turnout of three voters, was
0.000001%, a figure much higher than that in the recent Parish Council
elections. Jezza decided to celebrate
with a cup of tea and a piece of shortbread, although he was keen to stress
that he was “ideologically” opposed to the capitalist concepts of “sugar” and “biscuits”. Jezza’s house is easy to find in the village –
it’s on the left. Keep going left, turn
left, then left some more, and it’s just there on the left.
2. The
regulars at the Bromham Food Bank, who live on state benefits and charity
handouts, sometimes sleeping rough on the streets, in alleyways and doorways, mostly
homeless and penniless, have clubbed together to send a message of condolence
to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who have just announced the break-up of their
marriage. “First it was the Bromham
Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) losing Bake-Off, then it was Ed Balls being a
total cockwomble on Strictly – and now this!
It’s hard to take. Some of us are
absolutely devastated. We’re not sure
how we’re going to get through it, but we’ll try and stick together, as a
really desperate group of people, and hope that we survive.”
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2016
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