Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 4th February
2018
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Yet again D-Town leads the way. Scientists at the Vize Institute of Zoology
(Viz) have announced a piece of breakthrough research. After years of effort and diligent
experimentation, the team at Viz has managed to teach one of the ducks on the Crammer
to say “hello”, “please” and “get stuffed”.
Although casual listeners may have found it difficult to differentiate
these allegedly human sounds from the normal quacking noises when the ducks are
in search of food, the scientists are convinced that this is a major leap
forward. Future applications of the work
are thought to include the remote possibility that one day it may be possible
for normal human beings to communicate directly with adolescent teenagers.
2. And in a very close vote, members of D-Town’s Council
voted on Thursday night in favour of completing vacating the Town Hall to allow
refurbishment work to be carried out to the structure of the building. Whilst the ruling body, opposition and
independent councillors pop round to Costa for a quick coffee, followed by a
late lunch at the Palace of Wetherspoon, Mr Jones of JDW Builders Ltd will
re-hang the right-hand council-chamber door, fix the long-running overflow
problem in the gents’ toilet, and replace a cracked pane of glass in the ladies’. It is hoped that the repairs, which are
expected to run into tens of pounds, will not be subject to either cost or time
over-runs.
3. For details of these and all other Devizes stories,
don’t forget to listen to local radio station D-Town F-Off.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2018
No comments:
Post a Comment