Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 6th January 2019
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1.
Following
the recent successful mission to drive past Ultima Thule (the bus stop in a
lay-by near Semington), scientists at the D-Town Space Agency have now
announced that the Explorer service 49 bus has now reached the far (dark) side
of Trowvegas. This is a remote and wild
area of the known County, where communication signals can take several minutes
to arrive back in the Command Centre.
Early indications are of a desolate, seldom-visited landscape, strewn
with abandoned copies of early Pink Floyd albums, supermarket trollies and
tickets for an Ed Sheeran live concert, with little atmosphere, and a lack of
any sunshine for most of the year.
2.
And,
in an attempt to plan ahead for a No-Deal Drexit, The Vize’s town council has
placed a contract to provide local buses with a company that has no
track-record of running a bus service, has no buses, and believes that bus
timetables should be filed in the library under “fiction”. The directors of the company are known
criminals and bankrupts, convicted of fraud and money-laundering, together with
several counts of littering. However, a
spokes-bot for the company said today “it’ll be alright on the night. The cheque is in the post. The taxi is just five minutes away. Ursine creatures are known to make their ablutions
in areas of thick forest.” So that’s
alright then.
3.
And,
in a late story, a man has been arrested by police in the Brittox after making
a “dirty” protest at Greggs. Outraged
that their new so-called vegan sausage-roll actually contained no vegans, he
was seen to post his recent purchase in a nearby letter-box. He was only calmed down and restrained when
the arresting officer managed to reassure him that Greggs’ normal sausage rolls
don’t contain any meat either.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2019
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