The New Vicar
Our village is small but quite pretty, with a shop, a pub
and a church.
Then our vicar broke some commandments, and left his flock
in the lurch.
So the bishop then had to be summoned, and we told him how
we’d been rocked,
By the antics of our latest Reverend who, in the end, had to
be defrocked.
And thus it was that several months later, and I heard it
only by chance:
A removal truck had been spotted - our new vicar had moved
in to the Manse.
So, being of a neighbourly demean, I thought I’d meet him as
soon as I could,
And welcome him to his new parish, and nip any problems
right there in the bud.
I wandered along up to his front door. Well - you can imagine my shock,
When the door was soon answered by a tall young chap in a
smock.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! He stood there with a mop of long hair.
He had tattoos and an earring and, before I knew it, I had
started to stare.
His beard was short and quite wispy. But the greatest of all of my cares,
Was what he was sporting below: my God – a pair of pink
flares!
Now I’m not an expert on the latest fashion, nor am I up
with the latest trend,
But what had possessed our good bishop such an odd character
to send?
I think I’m as broad-minded as anyone, but, to me it was as
plain as the light.
I could see that we were headed for trouble, and that I’d
have to put the chap right.
I told him that we liked our services traditional, not
happy-clappy.
So if he’d like to keep things the same, we’d be grateful,
there’s a good chappie.
Singing Onward Christian Soldiers was just what we expected
to sing.
No trendy, modern stuff would be needed, and very short
sermons – that was the thing.
Our church organist is in his eighties: he’s deaf, and so
isn’t sure if, or when
The choir has finished already, so the rest of us just sing
the last verse again.
And after all of this advice, I saw that his eyes had gone
sort of glazed.
He looked at me in some surprise - in fact, he was totally
amazed.
Up to this point, the poor chap hadn’t spoken, but the door
he now opened wide.
He gestured for me to enter, so I thought I’d better step
inside.
“Wait there” he said all at once, “before you get into more
of a lather,
I’ll go and get the man that you really need – he’s the new
vicar here – my father!”
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