Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 3rd November 2019
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1. The
Town Council are busy this morning sweeping the streets, and emptying ditches of
dead and comatose bodies following a Saturday of mixed fortunes. After D-Town Rugby failed to win the Final of
the North Wiltshire (Germolene League), disconsolate supporters hit the bars
for the rest of the day. Misery was
further compounded when people began to realise that they were also looking
down the barrel of a six-week long election campaign. Fearing that Electile Dysfunction might set
in, the drinking and carousing increased.
So far the street cleaners have failed to find the body of a prominent
politician who had threatened to take his own life in one of the ditches. The ditch is rumoured to be going to sue for
breach of promise.
2. Meanwhile,
the enquiry into last year’s bonfire night tragedies has blamed the people who
gathered the wood, built the stacks and lit the pyres. Children and adults alike have been targeted for
failing to realise that such actions would cause a fire. The Wiltshire Hedgehogs Organisation (WHO)
has pointed the finger at poor prevailing advice on whether petrol should or
should not have been applied to the various infernos. However, a local D-Town resident, who did not
wish to be named, said that in his own case, the bonfire had been carefully inspected
before it had been lit, and any hedgehogs found removed from the centres of the
stacks. They had then been placed nearer
the edges, where they cook much better.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2019
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