Halloumi & Sweet Potato Burgers

Recipe for: HALLOUMI & SWEET POTATO BURGERS (V)

Ingredients:

• 450g sweet potatoes, peeled & cut into chunks
• 175g broccoli florets (optional)
• 2-3 garlic cloves, crushed
• 1 red onion, finely chopped
• 1-2 red chillies, deseeded, finely chopped
• 175g halloumi cheese, grated
• 2 tblsp wholemeal flour
• 2-3 tblsp sunflower oil
• 450g onions, sliced
• 1 tblsp chopped fresh coriander

 Method:

1. cook the sweet potatoes in lightly salted water for 15 minutes or until tender.  Drain & mash, placing into a large bowl
2. cook the broccoli, if using, for 3 minutes.  Drain & refresh in cold water (to retain colour & texture).  Drain & add to the sweet potatoes
3. stir in the garlic, red onion, chillies, halloumi, salt & pepper.  Mix well & shape into 6-8 patties or burgers.
4. coat in flour then put in the fridge to chill for an hour or two
5. when ready to serve, heat half the oil in heavy frying-pan.  Add the sliced onions & sweat gently for 15 minutes or so, without browning.  Stir in the coriander.  Set aside.
6. add the remaining oil to another pan.  Fry the burgers over a medium heat for 5-6 minutes each side
7. when almost ready, add the onions/ coriander to the pan.  Warm through & serve

 What else you need to know:

1. these make a delicious vegetarian meal accompanied by a sweet chilli dipping sauce and a green salad

Tooth

Tooth

You hurt me so much

And made my life a misery

With your endless nagging,

Complaining and worrying,

Your feelings for me hot and cold

And though I tried to ignore you

You were always there in the background

A constant presence

A biting pain

That would not go away

In the end I couldn’t stand the pressure

That you placed upon me

The way you made my nerves tingle

The decay in our relationship

So I made up my mind

That life was far too short

For me not to be as happy

As everyone else

And that we just could not go on

Living together any more

And I went and took advice

From a professional

Who got to the root of the problem

And laid out all my options

And after I’d chewed the matter over

It was my own decision

To make a complete break with you -

I knew that we must be parted

It was the kindest thing to do

In the circumstances

I cannot deny

That it was painful at the time

And I felt a certain numbness

About your sudden going

You left a very big hole in my life

But time has a way of healing

And I’m feeling so much better now

So I’m sure it was the right decision

Copyright Andy Fawthtrop 2020

Pondering Peacocks

Pondering Peacocks

Rousing slowly from the mist and murk

Of a drowsing sleep

Morning light intruding itself

Creeping unbidden under eyelids

At the very edge of dawn

Faint and frowsing

As the last lingering strands

Of dreams and rambling nightmares

Stretch out longer and longer

Snapping the final threads of contact

With night-time places

Which then recede and fade

Among the tangled bedclothes

The day ahead intrudes itself

Grey, mundane, heavy

Insidiously mutters

About tedious tasks and dreary chores

Things that must be done

People to be met, appointments kept

The detritus of relationships

Demanded by one’s daily life

Prompted by the relentless movement

Of digits on the bed-side clock

But reluctant yet to make a start

And time, being only relative

The sheets and pillows still warm

Cling womb-like and calmly claim

The tired restless body

While the hour is cock-crow early

There is still a fleeting chance

To conserve precious energy

And preserve mindful meanderings

To postpone the inevitable

And hold the last few moments

Of some happiness within

By thinking of better things

Before floating back to vivid colour

And pondering perhaps

Upon peacocks

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

The New Normal

The New Normal

There are those who ask

When will all this be over?

Like fractious children riding in the back

Are we nearly there yet?

When will we able to see the sea?

But things have truly changed

Not always for the better

Not always for the worse

We cannot do as we have done

No longer behave without thinking

Nor set forth without planning ahead

Our campaign is against a hidden foe

That moves silent and invisible

Spreading unseen amongst us

There is no telling where it will move

Until it strikes from nowhere

And takes someone close and dear

Social distance and self-isolation

Do not come naturally

Nor wiping everything we touch

Sanitising every surface

And washing, washing, washing

But things are no longer what they were

This is what the world has now become

So we can only buckle up

And welcome the new normal

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 26th April 2020

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 26^th April 2020

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:

                                              

1.      Once again panic-buying has set in as D-Town residents rush to stock up on disinfectant to help tackle Covid-19.  Police have become worried by the rising incidence of Toilet Duck parties where illegal gatherings of people congregate in order to consume or inject Dettol, Harpic and other class-A disinfectants and bleaches.

2.      And fighting broke out during the town’s weekly market as determined shoppers closed in on ever-decreasing supplies of jigsaws, board games and packs of cards.  Despite being prepared to pay in the ready currency of toilet rolls and dried pasta, some elderly residents were left in tears after missing out on the last few copies of Puzzler magazine.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Possible

Possible

It seems things are not quite as we thought

Which in a way is kinda funny -

For the things we thought we couldn’t afford

It now appears there’s piles of money

People can indeed work from home

Using a laptop from the lounge perhaps

Conducting conversations quite remotely

Saving their companies from collapse

Attend meetings in your pyjamas

Eat meals at any time of day

Comfort breaks as often as you like

See? – we can always find a way!

We can get by without the hair-dresser

And all those nail-bars on the High Street

Turns out that we can be quite inventive

And that we’re not so easily beat

There’s a way round every problem

We can do those things that couldn’t be done

We can achieve so much online these days

There’s still plenty ways of having fun

Seems that visas can be magically extended

A thing they said they couldn’t do

Now we need to hang on to health workers

And all the veg & fruit-pickers too

We can build new hospitals in a few weeks

Simply because we really need them

We can find places for the homeless

And we have the means to feed them

Maybe it was the bankers and the millionaires

That employed society’s shirkers?

And that in fact the nurses and the doctors

Are the nation’s true key workers?

The cleaners, the bin-men and the shop staff

Are the ones that really oil the wheels?

That there’s a new set of priorities?

Well - that’s certainly how it feels

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Franken-furter

Franken-Furter (The Monster of Frankenstein food)

What end is there to man’s ingenuity?

His ability, when he’s in the mood,

To engineer our daily intake,

And bugger about with our food.

You’ve just got to read a few labels,

Although the print’s incredibly small,

To discover what it is they’re up to,

And find out how they’re conning us all.

Don’t get me started on sausages:

They use lots of the skin, sinew and some bristle,

Rusk, knuckle, a blizzard of gizzard,

And then add in plenty of gristle.

From slurry, and factory-floor sweepings,

And bits left over I’ve discovered,

“Chopped and shaped”, and certain “selected cuts”,

And also “mechanically-recovered”.

Then to make it frozen, or microwaveable,

You’d be surprised at what they have to do:

Colourings, flavourings and texturings,

With modified starch and other bits of goo.

Then they add extra sugar and some salt,

Followed by several e-numbers,

Preservatives and acidity agents,

And God knows what they’ve done to cucumbers.

There’s modifiers and regulators,

Emulsifiers and some thickeners,

Stabilisers and other weird stuff -

It’s a wonder it don’t sicken us!

They hide the grams of saturated fat -

They don’t like their product to look flaccid,

So they pump in fructose and glucose syrup,

Topped up by di-glycerides of fatty acid.

Glazing agents and flavour enhancers,

All the things that we’re supposed to hate:

Add a dash of something not natural,

Plus monosodium glutamate.

It all goes in to our processed foods,

Not just Cheesy Wotsits and Turkey Twizzlers,

But chicken nuggets, and ready dinners,

Pizzas, pies and those meaty sizzlers.

  

But they make it sound so attractive:

Branding family members sounds less messy:

John West, Mother’s Pride and Daddie’s Sauce,

Then there’s Uncle Ben and Auntie Bessie!

These packagers have a lot to answer for:

Food scientists mucking about with our cheese,

Selling heart-attacks on a plate,

Hiding the grease and making us highly obese.

Never mind the Scots loving fried Mars Bars,

Or cream teas, chocolate or late-night kebab,

They’re pumping too much gunk into our food,

And slowly turning us all into flab.

So we’ve all got to wise up a bit,

About calories and carbs – it’s not too late -

Just look out for their “serving suggestions”,

And avoid anything “made from concentrate”.

Avoid chicken masala-type pizza,

Don’t eat Dogburgers, unless you’re bent,

And look out for the magic words on labels:

“Beware: May Contain Nourishment”.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Beef in Beer/ Guinness

Recipe for: BEEF IN BEER/ GUINNESS

Ingredients:

• 1 – 1½ kg shin of beef, cubed (or use chuck or stewing beef)
• 2 medium onions, roughly chopped
• 2 tblsp sunflower oil and/ or butter
• 50g seasoned flour
• 500-700ml good strong dark ale or Guinness (NEVER use lager)
• Sprigs of thyme, rosemary, parsley, chives, tied together in muslin to form a bouquet garni
• 1 tblsp tomato puree (optional)
• Salt & pepper
• 2 bay leaves

 Method:

1. heat the oven to 140C/ fan 120C
2. toss the cubed meat in the seasoned flour, shaking off any excess
3. in a large flame-proof casserole put the oil and/ or butter, then brown the meat all over in batches – do not over-crowd the pan, or it will steam rather than fry.  Set the beef aside.
4. add more butter and/ or oil to the pan, then fry the onions until lightly browned – about ten minutes
5. add any leftover flour from coating the meat, stirring around frequently
6. add the beer or Guinness to the pan , stirring to incorporate all the leftover scrapings from frying the meat.  The onions & flour should thicken the liquid slightly.
7. add the tomato puree, if using, and the bouquet garni, bay leaves & salt & pepper
8. return the meat to the casserole & stir to incorporate, then bring back to a low simmer
9. cover tightly & transfer to the oven, to cook for 2-3 hours
10. check occasionally to make sure it’s not drying out or cooking too quickly
11. when it’s ready, fish out the bouquet garni & discard

 What else you need to know:

1. serve with mashed potatoes or (herb) dumplings to mop up all the juices
2. dumplings need to go into the casserole about 40 minutes before you want to eat
3. variations include adding carrot and/ or celery with the onions to bulk out the dish, but I think it’s fine as it is

Dull

Dull

Dull

Lonely

Unwanted

Never picked

Left sitting on the wall

Till the very last choice

Then reluctantly taken

Like the useless booby prize

Told to keep away from any action

Too plain to be noticed

Too dull to talk to

Too boring to worry about

Melting into the crowd

Indistinguishable from the others

Without feature in a grey world

Totally unremarkable

Lifeless and uninspired

Never invited

Nor sought after

Always passed over

And forgotten

Awkward

Unimaginative

Unsure how to talk to others

Or what to talk about

Unable to understand

What might be on their minds

No conversation or social graces

Too vacuous to be original

Empty and without pattern

Not seen as anyone special

Or different enough

To be become anyone’s friend

To merit the slightest attention

Or to be talked about

But easily overlooked

Un-noticed and ignored

Totally unexceptionable

Never missed

Always alone

Lonely

Dull

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Old Lady

Old Lady

Under shady branches

Gnarled and knuckled

Scabbed and twisting

Lie windfalls softly cradled

Grass-cushioned in the dew

Bruised and slowly browning

In the morning-hazy sunshine

Sweet juices fermenting

Into heady cider

Intoxicating the lazy wasps

And the bickering blackbirds

Which feed upon the crop

Sipping at this late abundant nectar

Hobbled, she leans slightly to one side

Her trunk bent beneath the weight

Of aged limbs

Of twigs and leaves and fruits

Weathered, wind-buffeted

Her bark rough and leathery

Skin rotted and cankered

Her shape crooked and disfigured

Diseased, hard and broken

By the passing seasons

Yet still the sap rises within her

Re-awakened every Spring

To produce abundant blossom

Pulling in the pollinators

To create a canopy-full

Fertile with hard and heavy fruits

Of such acid sharpness

Silhouetted in her twilight years

Still fiercely rooted

She stands defiantly alone

Never part of any orchard

Crabbed in her corner of the garden

But still verdant, fruitful, useful

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Icarus About To Fall

Icarus About To Fall

How is it possible to climb

So far, so high, so clear

Into this acid-blue, cloudless sky

And to feel the warmth

Upon naked back and limbs

After so many years

Of cold confinement

Down there in the dark

With dearest Daedelus?

Who would not wish to flee

From an unjust captivity

Subject to Minos’ punishment

For earth-bound earlier sins?

Or desire to end the pain of a father

Whose cautious warning

Betrays his fractious fearfulness?

And how may mere wax and feathers

Fashion human wings

That may lift a sluggish body

Prising it from the clutching fingers

And heavy prisoning grip of Earth

To let it soar and glide

And fly, dazzled, towards Helios?

And why not tempt the gods

By reaching the height of eagles

Stretching sinews

Facing the blinding glare

Of solar brightness?

Or glance down towards the sea

To gain a glimpse of Paros, Delos

And Samos far below?

How close might one fly

To the hot, burning disc

That radiates its vital force

Before being forced to turn away

To avoid tumbling from the heavens

Falling headlong to a certain death

And perishing beneath the ocean spray?

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 19th April 2020

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 19^th April 2020

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:

                                              

1.      D-Town is now becoming a major source of study for the medical community of virologists and epidemiologists since very few of the town’s citizens have contracted Covid-19.  This is thought to be the result of the radio-wave “ring of steel” provided by the town’s series of 5G masts.  This level of preservation against plague and pestilence has been hailed by the religious community as a miracle, and make-shift shrines have been set up at the foot of several masts.  Flowers, candles and old Nokia handsets have been left in tribute, and impromptu religious services have been held, with the newly-faithful chanting “Ericsson! Ericsson! Ericsson!” as they dance naked around the towers.

2.      And in other news, an enquiry has been set up to try and discover what happened to earlier forms of pandemic, such as Covid-1 all the way through to Covid-18.  Government helplines have been inundated with worried callers, seeking to find out if they have missed something whilst they were being ill with other diseases.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Mermaid In Heaven

Mermaid in Heaven

‘Twas upon a stormy day that I chanced,

To walk the shore in thought deeply enrapt,

When I heard a pitiful sound of woe,

And saw a poor girl on the rocks, entrapped.

It was her fishy tail and scaly flukes,

As the waves on the rocks crashed all around,

The fins and a strong smell of haddock,

That revealed her watery background.

Her flowing hair it shone like seaweed,

And around her naked shoulders all arrayed,

She wore a long necklace of pearly shells:

And at once I knew she must be a mermaid.

I helped her to wriggle herself free,

And pulled her out on to the wind-swept strand.

That’s when I realised, in a sudden flash,

That what was in it for me - was sand.

There and then I plighted my troth,

In love I’d fallen – I had no real choice -

She was young, and beautiful and sexy:

It wasn’t by mere chance, but on porpoise.

But she was demure, and she was shy -

She resisted, and questioned my taste.

She said “it’s all very well up here on top,

But it’s all different below the waist.”

I said that it was just a red herring,

And that we’d soon learn to get along.

In the name of all that was coley,

Together, with cod’s help, we’d be strong.

And so it was that we were married,

By the sea-shore, with gentle lighting.

Her uncle Turbot gave the bride away,

And the darling girl was dressed in whiting.

Our friends thought we were too different,

And they said so, right from the start.

And the cats were always a bit suspicious,

Sniffing around her nethermost part.

But we embarked upon our married life,

We set up home and, as is often the rule,

Soon our little herrings came along -

No trouble getting them into school!

Of course we had a few differences,

For she’d been born as a marine being:

She couldn’t dance, was hopeless at football,

And it was pointless taking her skiing.

  

But there were a few positive things too:

She swam by the side when we went on a cruise,

You never needed more salt in your food,

And she never went shopping for shoes.

Naturally we had a plaice of our own,

And, at first, we had a whale of a time,

But she began to spend more time in the bath,

And to dream of the salty sea’s rime.

Of course, it was all doomed not to last -

She developed a slow swimming motion.

The Dolphin shower just wasn’t enough,

And she began to pine for the ocean.

I knew that I could never stop her,

I couldn’t be such a Pollack, or so fake:

I had to let her eel her way back home -

You could say I did it for her own hake.

And so it was that we finally parted,

And she went back to her home in the sea.

It’s all left me quite badly affected,

And I don’t fancy fish and chips for my tea.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Origami

Origami

I wonder at the trickery of it

Yet there is no attempt to deceive

Only length and depth in a single plane of being

The paper being plain and unadorned

The flattest white sheet

Twisted round

Tucked and creased

Folded into shape

Its razor-sharp edges

Turned in upon itself

And back inside again

Flatness transposed to three dimensions

By force of skill and gentle sorcery

Into lines and angles

Squares, triangles

Delicate dodecahedrons

Living trapezoids

Giving strength and articulation

Suggesting shape and shadows

Depth and meaning

Buried deep within the paper

A bird, a rabbit, a frog

Creatures which are not there in any normal sense

Suddenly appear and have life and substance

Their heads erect, alert

Sitting upon the hand of their creator

Between the dextrous fingers

Of the manipulator

Held for a fleeting moment

For wonder and admiration

Before slowly allowed to unfold before my very eyes

Vanishing whence they came

Into an empty page of nothing

The faintest crease-marks upon the paper

The only evidence

They ever had existence

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

Savoury Roquefort Cheesecake

Recipe for: SAVOURY ROQUEFORT CHEESECAKE

Ingredients:

·        For the base:

o   75g/ 3oz white breadcrumbs

o   40g pecorino romano or parmesan, finely grated

o   25g butter, melted

o   Freshly milled black pepper

·        For the filling:

o   3 eggs, beaten

o   225g medium-fat curd cheese

o   110g fromage frais

o   175g roquefort cheese, crumbled

o   1 tblsp fresh chives, snipped

o   4 spring onions, finely sliced

o   Salt & freshly-milled black pepper

Method:

1.      Heat oven to 180C (fan)

2.      In a bowl mix the breadcrumbs & parmesan, adding melted butter and pepper

3.      Press this mixture firmly down onto base of a 22cm springform cake tin

4.      Bake in the oven for 10-15 minutes until crisp & toasted

5.      Remove from the oven and turn down to 170C

6.      In a bowl beat the eggs with curd cheese

7.      Stir in fromage frais and seasoning

8.      Add the crumbled Roquefort and snipped chives

9.      Pour the mixture into the tin on top of the crumb base

10.   Scatter spring onions on top

11.   Bake for 40-45 minutes until centre feels springy to the touch

12.   Allow to cool for 20 minutes before removing the tin

13.   Cut into wedges and serve