Good (Lockdown) Advice

Good (Lockdown) Advice

Just to be clear I’d like to repeat the Government’s advice

During these troubled times of lockdown

Firstly you must not go out, except those times when you’re allowed out

Then you can go out, but only in a certain way

So stay indoors apart from going out for exercise

But don’t drive to your place of exercise

Unless there’s nowhere nearby

In which case you can go out

But you must exercise for longer than your drive

Not including the times both there and back

But you should keep off the roads anyway

Unless you’re running or cycling

Stay close home unless you need to be farther away

Such as for shopping or for medical reasons

But even then don’t go unless you have to

But if you do have to then remain socially distant

At least two metres (unless that’s not possible)

Keep it to one metre plus, although that’s not completely strict

You should try to wear a face mask

Although they’re not proved to be effective

But if you can wear one then it might help a bit

But that’s not a rule or regulation

Which means it’s not compulsory

Advisory, not mandatory

Because the science isn’t very clear

So wear a face mask.  Or don’t.  We don’t know.

Another reason you should stay at home

Is to avoid travel on crowded public transport

And all non-essential travel

Unless you’re an essential worker

In which case you should work from home

Unless you can’t possibly do that

Only if you have the means to do so

And if your employer will let you

But otherwise not.  So don’t.

Unless you’re volunteering to help the vulnerable

Or travel to the country to go picking fruit

But otherwise you shouldn’t venture out

Unless you can’t help it

Remember - if you have the slightest symptoms

You should self-isolate for seven days, or ten, or fourteen

No-one really knows

You should avoid going to your doctor

Or ringing 111 or 999 or going to hospital

Unless you die or don’t better

In which case you should do all of these as soon as possible

And you don’t need to get a Covid test

Unless you’re in certain categories, then you should get tested as a priority

Provided that we have the capacity

So then you should apply for one as soon as possible

And book an appointment to drive to a Testing Centre

But otherwise keep off the roads, unless you can’t

But try to avoid public transport, unless it’s unavoidable

So go out but stay in.  Go to work but don’t if you can’t.

Play sport, but don’t.  Some games are OK but others are not.

So don’t.  And not with anyone who’s not in your household.

Sunbathe, but don’t.  And remember – all of this is conditional!

Or not.  Stay safe, but go out.  But don’t.  Be alert.

Stay at home.  But don’t.  Go out, but don’t go out out. That wouldn’t be right.

Stay alert.  Especially on public transport.

Unless you can’t, in which case don’t.

The advice from today has changed

Except that everything is still the same

Bubbles and households are the thing

The lockdown continues as it was

Apart from the differences in emphasis

And the changes in the slogans

In some parts of the country.  But not in others.

So you can see that the advice has total clarity

And just a matter of common sense

Is that clear?

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020