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Sunday, 20 September 2020

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 20th September 2020

 Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 20th September 2020

 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:

                                              

1.      As D-Town comes to terms with the new “Rule-of-Six”, special walk-in workshops and tutorials have been arranged at several venues around the town, in order to help people to understand the whole concept of counting up to six on their hands.  Hampered by only having five digits on each hand, The Vize has suffered disproportionately from Covidiots who cannot work out how many mates they can go to the pub with, how many pints of lager they can sink in one hour, how many ducks they can throw rocks at on The Crammer, how many people they can attack on the way home, and how many kebabs they need to buy to feed six people.  Showings of “Blake’s Seven”, “The Magnificent Seven” and “Seven Brides For Seven Brothers” have all been cancelled at the local cinema because they break the Covid regulations.

 

2.      And local police have been inundated with calls from people dobbing in their neighbours for breaking the new rules.  Local Neighbourhood Snitch schemes have been set up in order to pick up the burden from the Authorities, involving parties of vigilantes armed with pitchforks and burning brands, to “advise” citizens exactly how many people they can have in their back yards for a BBQ.  Other new groups that have sprung up in the past few days include The Curtain-Up Neighbourhood Twitchers (CUNT), D-Town Informants’ Collective Klan (DICK), and the Vize Organised Members’ Information Trust (VOMIT).

 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020

 

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