Thanks (to the vicar) for midnight mass
Thanks Your Reverence for the service last night
It’s almost impossible for me to believe
That so many people could pack out the church
And throw up in the pews on Christmas Eve
I suppose an excess of booze is to blame
So much vomit to be mopped down the drain
I don’t envy you as I languish at home
As today you get to do it all over again.
I’ll bet you’re glad Christmas comes but once a year
It’s tough being a vicar, but what can I say?
You signed up for this lark of working on Sundays
At least you can kick your shoes off till it’s Good
Friday!
Season’s
Greetings To The Supermarkets
Thanks for stocking all the things I needed for Christmas
Those goodies didn’t appear one moment too soon
I’m grateful that you got them all in so early
I really needed my Christmas cake way back in June!
It’s great that you’re open extra early and late
On your supply-chain you’ve exerted your powers
So we can stock up for a two week siege
Even though you’re only closed for twelve hours!
And I’ll be back in again on Boxing Day morning
Taking advantage of sale prices that are almost a gift
To help you get rid of the seasonal stock
That otherwise you’d have a problem to shift!
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