My Life As An Aging Hooker

In the shattered remnants of what still passes for my mind, I sometimes have these wild fantasies......

Senior Escorts Ltd

I get my assignments from the agency;

There’s quite a few of us on the books.

I’m working for Twilight Escorts -

For I still haven’t lost all of my looks. 

I’m what they call a Silver Stallion,

Serving older ladies, with a quick wink.

You might have thought they were past it,

But there’s more call for it than you might think. 

I specialise in the older clientele:

Crusties, crumblies and old wrecks.

I’m not worried about their ages,

As long as they’ll pay me for sex. 

For everyone has needs to be met,

And if I can speak to you frankly,

There are worse ways to spend your afternoons,

Than providing some hanky-panky. 

For elderly widows get lonely,

And just want to have some fun days,

But I think that it also helps,

We do pensioner discounts on Mondays.

I can only handle one or two jobs in a day,

But it’s not the energy that I lack.

I just have to be quite careful,

Or else I’ll put out my back. 

My ladies have simple requirements,

And don’t make complex conditions.

I’m not quite as lithe as I was,

And don’t do funny positions. 

I’m clean and I travel quite light,

And I’m one of their younger boys.

I don’t need much equipment:

Just baby-oil and one or two sex toys. 

Afternoon is the most popular time,

And I know that it sounds corny,

But it’s when the clients are mostly awake,

As well as feeling most horny.

So, after I’ve parked my Zimmer frame in the hall,

And perhaps been offered a medicinal whiskey,

It’s time to get on with the business,

And chase her round the house, if she’s frisky. 

It’s all straight-forward once in the bedroom,

And I’m certainly not mocking.

I’m quite used to false teeth and false limbs,

And rolling down their surgical stockings.

Medical appliances hold no fear for me,

And I’ll also help with suspenders,

And afterwards we’ll share a cup of Sanatogen,

And settle down to watch Eastenders.

But I can’t stay for too long at their house,

Even though they might make a fuss.

I can’t drive any longer at my age,

And I have to go & catch the last bus. 

I’ve got my regular customers,

But the flow is hardly a Niagara.

Still - my doctor’s quite understanding,

And keeps me supplied with Viagara.

I provide a reliable service,

And it’s one I think that appeals,

For my latest advertising slogan,

I’m selling myself as “Feels on Wheels”. 

We’re sponsored by Help The Randy,

And other organisations you’ll learn.

Our latest out-sourcing contract

Is in support of Urge Concern.

Satisfaction’s not guaranteed,

I feel I just ought to mention,

But what better way can you think of

To fritter away most of your pension? 

So if you’re in need of my services,

And we cater for all sorts of ages,

Log on to our website at once,

Or look for us in Yellow Pages.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2011