Latest Immigration Scandal

Latest Immigration Scandal - Baby Removed By Social Workers

Report taken from the 26^th December edition of “Bethlehem On Sunday” by their Foreign Affairs Correspondent St John Simpson.

An unmarried mother (who cannot be named for legal reasons) was last night at the centre of a huge row in the sleepy commuter town of Bethlehem, Judea, after Social Workers employed by King Herod, the head of the Local Authority Social Services, seized her new-born child, who can only be referred to under reporting restrictions as “Baby J”, within minutes of the birth in down-market budget hotel.  Local residents stated that the hotel was a by-word for over-booking and over-crowding, especially at holiday times.  The birth apparently took place, without the aid of a midwife, in an over-flow room at the back of the premises.  The mother was stated, however, to be in a stable condition.  A number of animals were found at the same address.

Asking for a Care Order on the infant, Social Workers explained that the mother had arrived in Bethlehem with no means of support, using hired transport, heavily pregnant, and had history of mental health problems. She had drawn early attention to herself by making a number of wild and delusional claims, including not previously having had sexual relations, and having seen a vision of man dressed in white sheets, claiming to be an angel of The Lord, telling her that her expected child was destined to be The Son of God. The woman was thought to want to claim Housing Benefit, Child Allowance, and a number of other State benefits.

A psychiatrist, working for Bethlehem Social Services, testified that the woman was clearly suffering from a possible bi-polar condition and was obviously unfit to be a mother.

However, the removal of the child provoked a furious response from the Shop Steward of the NUS (the National Union of Shepherds & Associated Flock-Watchers) who represent a number of workers in the local sheep-guarding business. They  claimed that they had been quietly abiding in their fields with their sheep, according to normal night-shift procedures, when they had allegedly seen “the sky full of angels, commanding them to go to Bethlehem and to see this thing that had come to pass.”  Bethlehem Police later confirmed that a number of outlying huts had been raided, and a large quantity of hallucogenic substances had been removed and confiscated.

“But when the shepherds got there,” said the Shop Steward, “the child had already been removed from the parents, and all they found were three old strangely-dressed men claiming to be kings who had travelled by following a star-line express coach from Leyton Orient.  They were carrying a number of suspicious packages, which they said were Christmas presents intended for the child that was no longer there.”

An official statement from King Herod’s Office confirmed the presence of the three “kings”, explaining that officials would be detaining them as illegal Eastern immigrants, who had sought to avoid import controls by smuggling into the country a number of illicit substances, including frankincense and myrrh, and a suspiciously large quantity of gold, in clear breach of exchange control regulations. An Official Enquiry will be launched, headed by Matthew Mark-Lucan John, in order that “lessons can be learned”.  It is expected to report its findings by Epiphany, and will be published in the new “Testament” series.  The statement called for all the witnesses to tell “the gospel truth”, although witness statements are expected to differ in many of the details.

Later the authorities also applied for a “gagging” order on the woman’s common-law partner, an unemployed carpenter from the village of Nazareth, forbidding him to speak to reporters from the Bible.  He has been denied political asylum, and is to be deported as an economic migrant.

Meanwhile, the whereabouts of “Baby J” remain unclear, but it is believed that the distressed parents are planning to appeal to the court of King Herod for the child to be returned to them, so that He can accompany them on a flight booked to Egypt.

 Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014