Insomnia

Insomnia

Twisting, tossing, turning,

Side to side, over and over

Restless limbs chasing round the bed

Fighting to find perfect position

Moving, itching, fidgeting

Exhausted and desperate to fall

Into the deep abyss

Where nothingness starts

And the conscious goes amiss

Too cold, then sticking-hot

No ticking-tock of the clock

But hours crawling by, moments only creeping

As if Time might have stopped

Sharp, red digits standing still

How slowly they change, from one to another

But remain implacable, accusing

The mind wanders where it will

Chasing off down rabbit-holes

Following tunnels and corridors

Leading nowhere

Floating, wandering

Falling slowly past cliff-faces rocky and steep

Never quite reaching

Never getting there

Never hitting bottom

Night-time has a density

An unchanging, unyielding quality

Never ending, giving nothing in return

Silent, dark, impenetrably deep

Eyes and body both yearn and ache

Pursuing elusive snatches of sleep

The brain rattles on chuntering, chattering

An ever-running engine ticking over, never stalling

Too busy, too many things to do

Names to remember, tasks not to forget

Slowing down finally, it seems

To a new steady rhythm, a gentle quiet

Regular heartbeat, softer breathing

Heading at last toward dreams

Then suddenly racing and speeding again                                                

Around the next corner, solving another puzzle

Remembering names, thinking about tomorrow

Tired, so desperately tired                                                

Another tangle of blankets and sheets

Fighting the covers, thrashing around

Gasping and grasping for rest

Snatching at hope after hope

That somehow the torment will end

Then, quite suddenly, an alarm ringing

New light piercing, a Dawn Chorus of singing

Night, it seems, has stolen away

And bedraggled, be-drowsled

Not calm, not even rested

Head still aching and throbbing

It’s time to start the next day

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2015