Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 8th May 2016
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. Bromham
has a new mayor, following elections on Thursday. Pigletty McPigletface was elected to the role
with a sweeping mandate to stop being a nobody and become the village’s
mayor. McPigletface, the son of a common
carrot-planter, is the first openly Transgender One-legged Pink Educated
Ruralite (TOPER) to be given such elevated office anywhere in the UK. In his acceptance speech and swearing-in at
St Knickerless Church yesterday, he said that he wanted to be a mayor to all of
Bromham’s residents, no matter what their sexual orientation or deviant
proclivities. Civic leaders welcomed the
news, but the sheep were visibly and audibly nervous.
2. In
a further escalation of the NHS Junior Doctors’ strike this week, the First Aid
kit at the Civic Centre will be left unlocked and unattended for up to eight
hours at a time. In a move that is
largely seen as a hardening of attitudes, if not arteries, a medical spokesman
said that people would have to help themselves to bandages in the event of a
paper cut. Villagers have been advised
to be more careful on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, just in case they need a
plaster, and to go easy on the germolene.
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2016
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