Flushed With Success
There was a young man by the name of Ness,
Who to the toilet rushed in distress.
It’s a good job he made it,
Or else I’m afraid it,
Would have led to an embarrassing mess.
I can’t say what he was going to do,
It’s just that he had to get to the loo.
To reveal what then occurred,
Would need to have a rude word,
So let’s just say it was Number Two.
Now he was from a good part of town,
And realised with a puzzled old frown,
That if it’s at all yellow,
You can just let it mellow,
But if it’s brown, you must flush it right down.
Thus it was that he pulled on the chain,
As it hung there above the porcelain,
But it came off in his hand,
Leaving him there to stand,
And deliver himself of this sorry refrain.
“Oh dear! I can’t see how I can mend,
This thing that’s
broken so I can send,
That which sits in
the bowl,
To disappear down
the hole,
And carry on, right
past the u-bend!”
As I say, this man was no navvy,
And with plumbing was not very savvy.
He didn’t wish to dwell,
Or to stay with the smell,
But wanted to escape from the lavvy.
He found himself trapped there in the loo:
He was in a right pickle, it’s true.
He put down extra paper,
To cover the vapour,
And wondered what else he could do.
Upon a solution his mind was now set,
And up to the cistern he wanted to get,
The mechanism to beat,
He stood on the seat,
But his foot went through, into the toilet.
Which caused the said contents to be pushed,
Deep into the water and mushed.
This meant that his floater,
Was no longer a boater,
And decidedly the opposite of flushed.
He heard himself let out a great roar,
As it all overflowed onto the floor.
His foot was all muddied,
As the cubicle flooded,
And it all ran away under the door.
It filled his shoe and got into his sock,
When on the door came a very loud knock.
Someone wanted a wee,
In this here W.C.
And had started to rattle the lock.
Ness knew he needed a proposal,
For the man outside with his nose’ll,
Guess what occurred,
Regarding the turd,
Unless he could conclude a disposal.
He began to feel like an animal caged,
As the intruder grew more enraged.
It always rankles,
With pants round your ankles,
So he shouted out loudly: “Engaged!”
And the moral of this altercation?
Make sure you’ve got good information,
Take plenty of towels,
Before moving your bowels,
And test before your evacuation.
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