Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 9th October 2016
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. One
of Bromham’s many celebrities, reality TV star Jim “Car” Crashian, is in shock
this week-end as he tries to come to terms with being robbed at gunpoint on
Tuesday night. Masked raiders, whom
police think must have been working on an insider tip-off, forced their way
into the star’s farm-house and stole vegetables to the tune of several
pounds. “I pleaded with them not to kill
me, as I still have a carrot crop in the ground. They tied me up, locked me in the cow-shed,
and made off with valuable brassicas and root crops.” The star has previously been criticised for
flaunting his vegetables on social media.
2. Meanwhile,
the race for the Presidency of the Parish Council continues. Tonight’s live TV debate is likely to be a
hard one for contender Doughball T. Rump, a recent American incomer to the
village, who has just been embarrassed by the timely release of a video from
2005, in which he claims to have fondled carrots and parsnips, and got away
with it simply because he was a foreigner.
In the video he boasts about groping celery, even though it had already
been bought by someone else, and grabbing vegetables by the brassicas.
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2016
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