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Sunday, 24 December 2017

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 24th December 2017

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 24th December 2017

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
                                                  
1.      Huge rejoicing in the borough this week, as the most significant announcement of modern times was made.  In an attempt to cheer up the citizens of D-Town, and to curb the depressing fall in morale regarding Drexit negotiations, the leaderene of the Town Council has promised that there will be a return to war-time identity cards, white fiver-pound notes, the farthing coin, poor sanitation and rickets.  Setting the clock back seventy or eighty years will coincide with the re-introduction of a hard border at the entrance to the town.  Unfortunately the steam-train service will not be restored as someone has filled in all the tunnels, ripped down the bridges and built a housing estate over the land where the station used to be.  A replacement bus service would just not have the right ring to it.

2.      And finally, police in The Vize have advised citizens of the town to be on the look-out tonight for a shady character, often dressed in red & white, who may attempt a series of daring house-burglaries during the evening.  His vehicle, a reindeer-powered sleigh, is often parked on the roofs of houses as he enters the premises via the chimney stack.  He is known to target mince pies and glasses of sherry carelessly left out by house-holders.  He carries out careful research and is known to be well-informed as to which children living at each address have been bad or good.  Police added, in a further warning, that they were aware of his plans, that you’d better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, and they are telling you why.  He is apparently making a list and checking it twice, that he’ll find out who's naughty and nice.  He also sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.

3.      For details of these and all other Devizes stories, don’t forget to listen to local radio station D-Town F-Off.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2017


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