Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 17th March 2019
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1.
Transport difficulties for D-Town citizens are
expected this week, after the entire fleet of double-decker buses on the 49
route were restricted to their home garages, following a spate (two) of crashes
involving these vehicles. It has already
been established, following initial enquiries into the minor mishap on the A342
on Thursday that, under certain special circumstances, these buses may suddenly
accelerate beyond their designed limit of 27mph. Drivers have reported finding that they were
suddenly going faster than they had intended, merely by touching the
accelerator pedal. A fleet of
replacement single-deckers has been organised for the coming week, and the bus company
has assured the travelling public that their drivers would continue to find several
other means of behaving like utter bastards.
2.
Self-confessed football fan and local idiot Ben Dover
was fined nearly £10 banned from attending any football matches for three days
after pleading guilty to common assault on Monday at D-Town Magistrates Court. He was accused of running on to the pitch in
the middle of D-Town’s crunch local derby match with Trowvegas Town in a
bottom-of-the-table clash in the Germolene League Division 7 (South), and
clipping his own son (who was playing in the match) round the ear and verbally
abusing the youngster. He apologised and
said that it had been “a moment of madness” when the boy had missed a critical
tackle in the 34th minute.
D-Town went on to lose the match 1-0, falling to a controversial 94th-minute
penalty. After the court hearing, the
guilty man commented that “we were lucky to score nil”.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2019
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