Water, Water Everywhere
Let me offer you some refreshment
The best you’ll find in this quarter
Not lager, beer, stout or porter
But a splash of life-giving water
Yes H-2-O, a fluid that’s pure
A refreshing drink to be sure
For thirst it’s the natural cure
And this bottle provides of the best
Passing every chemical test
You can forget all the rest
You might think that it’s strange
But it comes in a very wide range
Not only sparkling and still
But warmed, or frozen, or chilled
Vaporised, evaporated, and distilled
Osmosis-reversed, and de-ionised filled
Brewed from birch, coconut or maple
It’s more than a natural staple
Melted from glaciers and pack-ice
Deep-water harvested in a trice
Purified through thick beds of rice
Processed and refined to taste nice
It comes very highly rated
Omega-enhanced, and ultra-filtrated
Anti-oxidising manganese
What could be better than these?
It’s cellulite-eradicating
And it’s faster-hydrating
And it’s so easy to see
Why this should be
To vegetarians and vegans it’s key
And it’s sugar-, dairy-, and gluten-free!
The key to all life with very few faults
Cos it’s packed full of mineral salts!
This First World luxury’s not trite
And a privileged lifestyle’s our right
And as we want connoisseurs to see the light
So our packaging is plain black, or plain white
(We trade on such minimalist shite)
We are a water-obsessed nation
It’s all about drinkable elation
Not just simply hydration!
Yes, we know the stuff falls from the skies
And in ponds and lakes it gathers and lies
From geysers and spas it will bubble and rise
In wells you can gather a hoard
It springs from the Earth of its own accord
The wide oceans cover the map
And it just pours forth from the tap
But we think we’ve spotted the gap –
What we’re simply demanding
Is for you to pay more attention to the branding
The “terroir” is important to the flavour
It provides a crystal purity to savour
But when we’ve exhausted this elitist demand
When every type of water’s been bottled or canned
When thirst has been slaked throughout the land
We’ll have to find a new designer ware
About which consumers will care
Even though it’s already there
And exploit something that appears to be rare –
So we’re thinking of bottling….the air
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