Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 12th December 2021
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. The
Town Hall has issued an explanation regarding the shenanigans official
events that did not, emphatically not, take place last year when Covid lockdown
restrictions were in full force in the UK. The parties cheese and wine
gatherings did not happen, but if they had have happened (which they didn’t)
then they would have followed all the Covid regulations. But as they didn’t happen anyway, no Covid
rules were broken. The piss-ups
inter-departmental meetings were essential work functions held within offices
safe bubbles, and therefore were definitely not parties. But if they had been, then they wouldn’t, or
couldn’t, and hadn’t occurred in any case.
Just happy to clear that one up.
2. Motor-racing
fans were thrilled by the close finish to the annual milk-float and tractor
racing season earlier today. It was the
first time in nearly twenty years that both finalists entered the last race of
the season tied on twenty casualties each during the season, making it a
killer-takes-all final facedown on the twisting D-Town inner ring-road. Surviving obstacles such as chicanes, one-way
streets, pedestrian crossings, disabled parking bays and abandoned supermarket
trollies, the two finalists zig-zagged their way through gridlocked traffic,
reaching speeds of up to 2mph. Finally
the contest was declared a draw when both finalists slammed into the side of a
49 double-decker bus as it lumbered its way out of the Market Place, running
its traditional 10 minutes late schedule.
No spectators were injured in the holding of this race.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021
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