Alcohol Neutral

Alcohol Neutral

In these times of global warming

Every one of us must do their bit

I’m ready & willing to play my part

The time has come, and this is it

 

So I’m making this formal declaration

To encourage others to do the same

I’m aiming to be alcohol-neutral by 2050

So you can see me step up my game

 

To start upon this ambitious plan

I’ll cut down on the beer I’m drinking

By at least one pint a week

But I can figure what you’re thinking

 

That it’s not very much to do

That it doesn’t get us very far

But it’s a step in the right direction

To move on from where we are

 

There’s no point upsetting the present balance

The alcohol economy must slowly adjust

No sudden movements in spending

Where gradual transition’s a must

 

Supping just this little bit less

Will put me on a path to remission

Not only improving my health

But also reducing my gastric emission

 

And before 2050 I’ll use some off-sets

To reduce my alcohol footprint

By sniffing beer-soaked towels on the bar

To ensure that publicans don’t go skint

 

And consumption might actually increase

For the next two decades or so

To reach a peak around 2040

Which is a long, long way to go

 

And of course there’s the alcohol credits

I’ve earned through these many years

By not drinking every single day

In my quota of many rounds of beers

 

Which will allow a gentler transition

On this alcohol reduction drive

Leading to my revised prediction

That it might take till 2055 

 

By then I’ll be a hundred years old

With my level of consumption diminished

Only eking out a gentle existence

Just alive, but not quite finished

 

But in the meantime I’ve got a further plan

One that will bring me to a rapture

I’ll be keeping beer cans in my second fridge

I call it “alcohol storage and capture”

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2022