Dishwasher
I thought my wife was looking drowsy:
The old girl seemed peeky, and a little bit frowsy,
So I asked her whatever the matter could be,
And this was the gist of what she shouted at me:
“It’s not surprising – all the work I have to do!
Tidying the house, and looking after you!
There’s washing, and drying and airing,
Then piles of ironing beyond bearing.
There’s cleaning and wiping and dusting,
And polishing, and hoovering, till I’m fit for busting.
There’s the shopping and carrying it home again,
And cooking food, and serving it’s my life’s bane,
Not to mention the washing-up and the drying -
It’s too much, however hard I’m trying:
It’s housework, housework, all of the day -
I’m knackered, and that’s all I’ve got to say!”
Well, this outburst knocked me back, I’ll tell you,
But I formed up a plan of what I should do.
It pained me to see the old girl sounding so mad,
And I couldn’t bear having her looking so sad,
So next morning I was sharp out of the door,
And headed straight to the electrical store.
That evening, after she’d cooked me my dinner,
Steak and chips, all served like a winner,
Cleared the table and brought in some logs,
Done all the dishes and fed both the dogs,
Put on the kettle and served up my tea,
I patted her arm and sat her down on my knee.
She eyed me suspiciously, as if I’d been on the booze,
And with delight, I gave her the good news:
That the labour would be reduced in her working day,
As the new dishwasher would be delivered next day!
I explained to her how it would be a great perk,
And would be arriving whilst I was still out at work.
All she had to do was to speak to the man,
And he’d help her lift it right off of the van,
And, because she knew that it was coming,
Tonight she could make a start on the plumbing.
Once she’d fitted it and cleaned it all out,
It’d be ready for its first loading no doubt.
I’d negotiated delivery that was free -
Not only that, but it came with a guarantee!
I explained the huge improvement this would be,
The advantages were all so obvious to see,
That there’d be more time for many another task -
What else could a good housewife decently ask?
Well – her reaction wasn’t quite what I’d expected:
On her face storm clouds I soon detected,
Then the full force of her anger broke,
Her hands round my neck had started to choke.
Apparently my proposed generosity was fudged,
My solution was completely ill-judged.
I’d swapped one piece of drudgery for another,
She’d had enough, and was going back to her mother.
I struggled to understand what was in her mind,
I believe there’s no understanding woman-kind.
Her sad news made my tender heart break,
And suggested I might have made a mistake:
Had I applied the wrong logic and science,
And gone and bought her the wrong appliance?
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