Here is a round-up of the major news events from Bromham this week:
· In a shock move, the leader of Bromham Parish Council has vowed to shake up standards in the Bromham Cottage Hospital. Dave Wentwrong, leader of the ruling Field Land Owners’ Party (FLOP) announced that from later this month doctors will be asked to diagnose and treat their patients, nurses will be required to change bedpans, make beds and walk around looking concerned, whilst ambulance-drivers will be required to make a much clearer “nee-naw” sound when driving their vehicles around the village. Peter Piglet, leader of the Bromham Union of Medicos (BUM), immediately called a ballot of all seven of his members, seeking strike action.· All the signs are that, later this week, plans will be adopted for improving the village’s infrastructure in the creation of Tractor Improvement Track 2 (TIT2), linking the key operational areas of the top of the big West field, with the bottom of the small East field. Tractor journey times are expected to reduce from about seven minutes to about five minutes, with average speeds likely to break the 14 mph barrier for the first time. Work on filling in the track’s potholes will begin in 2014, and cutting off that nasty corner at Soggy Bottom in 2016. Dick Legge, deputy Council leader, and head of the Workers’ Horticultural Organisation (WHO) will announce the project on Tuesday. Interviewed today, he said: “this is good news for carrot transportation times, the movement of live parsnips, and for the local economy in general.” Opponents of TIT2, however, voiced their concerns. One of their spokesmen, Bob Boring of the Federation Against Rapid Tractors (FART), said: “this is a bad day for all those of us the village who believe in halting any form of progress whatever. Where is this going to stop? They’ll be wanting to stop traditional pursuits like lamping and rick-burning next.”
· Sports news: Bromham Casuals’ poor on-the-road form continued yesterday, when they were beaten at Heddington Ramblers by 7-1 in the first round of the Germolene Cup (Southern Section). Irascible manager, Benny Dogleash, hit out: “we were still in it at half-time, when we were only 5-0 down. If we’d stuck away the three penalties we were awarded, it could have been a different game. The referee was an idiot. The damage to his car after the game could have been done by anyone. I thought our boy (Dwayne) Mooney played a blinder and always gave them trouble in the box. It wasn’t a punch to their defender’s nuts – his elbow just slipped, and he should never have been sent off.” The Casuals’ only goal was the result of a wayward back-pass by the Ramblers’ defence, resulting in an own-goal. A record crowd of nearly 23 attended the game.
· As always, catch all the latest news on Bromham’s own radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012
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