Worrall-Thompson cheesed off at Tesco

I think I'm a reasonably good chap, and I'm a great believer in second chances.  I also hate to kick a man when he's down, but occasionally someone behaves like a complete prat and deserves to be told so.  The news of Worrall-Thompson caught shoplifting cheese and wine (repeatedly) at Tesco is too good a story to miss.  It's like batting at cricket when the bowler just pops up a nice, easy slow ball - it's just begging to be slammed over the boundary for six.  Why AWT thinks that he's a special case of shop-lifter, regarding his aberrations as "mistakes" and part of a "condition" requiring "treatment" (no doubt in a celebrity clinic) is beyond me.  For anyone else, any ordinary person, it's just a case of five counts of theft.  Or is that too simple a distinction?

Anyway, here's a silly poem :

Cheese Bored

Worrall-Thompson went to Tesco one day,

To shop for his cheese and some wine,

He left the store without paying,

And now he’s slapped with a fine.

EDAM well messed this one up,

It’s a BOURSINE of the times,

There was STILTONS in his basket,

He could GOUDA prison for his crimes.

He must act more CAERPHILLY in future,

Red LEICESTER he forget to pay,

CHIMAY never get past this,

For his PECORINO that day. 

I said HALLOUMI old friend,

Is this just a FETAccompli?

Whatever drove you to this?

Whatever could it BRIE?

I asked him, “what’s this ROQUEFORT?

Can I PANEER into your bag,

It’s HARD CHEDDAR you got caught,

In fact it’s a real drag.”

In his agony he cried YARG!!

Shoplifting is very PROVOLONE I know,

He’s not been issued with a GRAND PADANO,

Sadly he’s RICOTTA go home now.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012