Happy Birthday! Welcome to the planet!
Being late would have been such a crime,
Good you didn’t leave it any longer, though,
In fact you’ve got here just in time!
There’s been a lot of babies born lately:
You’re number seven billion, as it goes,
But you’re such a pretty little baby,
Just look at those lickle fingers and toes!
You see, things are getting rather crowded,
As you can most probably guess.
We haven’t had the time to clear things up,
We’re really sorry about all the mess.
It’s just that we’ve been really busy,
I’m sure we’ll find a little space for you.
You don’t take up very much room – yet,
But you’ll have to join the back of the queue.
You see, human life is competitive,
And just getting through it has been our goal,
We haven’t had chance to bury the waste,
Whilst we were digging all of the coal.
Resources are all in short supply,
Because of this recent baby boom,
And the really bad news, if you’re desperate,
Is that there’s a long wait for the bathroom.
Anyway, I’d best leave you my advice,
Give you my opinion before I go:
There’s a few problems that need sorting out,
I just thought you should probably know.
We never did find cure for cancer,
Malaria’s still a killer I think,
And we did get a bit carried away -
So a few species did become extinct.
I think we’ve cocked up the environment,
With rivers diverted and the lakes shrunk.
We’ve produced quite a lot of waste,
And, circling the planet, we’ve left lots of junk.
I know it looks like we’ve used everything up,
And, yes, there’s a fair bit of pollution,
But don’t worry about it for too long,
Because scientists are seeking a solution.
Burial plots are full – standing room only,
Which is an increasing problem, I fear,
But you’ve got to keep things in proportion –
Given that we’ve dissolved the atmosphere!
Did we really need the ice-caps anyway?
The planet can take its chances -
We’ll get out of this pickle somehow,
There’s bound to be technical advances!
With all this increased life expectancy,
Better health care, space flights and GM food,
What have we got to worry about?
We should be in a much better mood!
So religion, world hunger and crime,
Are topics I feel I ought to mention.
The planet’s probably buggered I fear -
If you could give it your best attention?
So I hope you’ll have a great party,
With cake and jelly, and music that’s loud.
Don’t worry too much about who to invite -
I’m sure there’ll be bloody big crowd.
Best of luck, and I’ll leave you to it then.
I hope you have a life that’s happy and sunny,
Although I think I forgot to mention,
That we haven’t left you any money.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2011
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