The Cautionary Tale of Tricky Dicky

Tricky Dicky

I’ll tell you a tale of just desserts,

What happens when your morals are blurred,

Of the blackest of deeds and of treachery,

And of what happened to Richard The Third. 

For they’ve finished their investigations,

And excavations that were well tricky,

And now they’ve discovered the full truth:

They’ve found the last resting-place of old Dicky. 

The result of the quest, has been put to the test,

And the scientists have toiled night and day,

But now the news is out, they’ve put it beyond doubt,

And they’ve matched up the old lad’s DNA. 

They didn’t blench, from digging a trench,

And his bones weren’t allowed to fester,

And there they found England’s last Plantagenet,

Under an old car-park in Leicester. 

“Now is the Winter of our discontent,

Made glorious summer by this sun of York”

Were lines written by Shakespeare, and not me.

Frankly – why should I do the rhyming work? 

Now Dick was a disfigured hunchback,

But I’m sure you all knew that, of course,

And he had a lot of other famous lines,

Like “a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse”. 

Of The House Of York he was the last,

And getting rid of him came at great cost.

He put out folks’ noses, in The War of The Roses,

And at the battle of Bosworth – he lost! 

His place in history, is no sort of mystery,

It’s all facts, you know, not tittle-tattle,

For the end of this terrible dynasty,

He was the last English king to die in battle. 

Now, it wasn’t the normal done thing, to bury a king,

Without due ceremony and honour,

But Richard were such an awful bugger,

Everyone cheered when he were a goner. 

He were a nasty sort, and no mistake,

He’d do anything to get into power.

He were devious and he told many lies,

Oh – and he murdered the Princes in The Tower. 

He didn’t care much for his own people;

On the nation there was misery piled.

A monarch they were glad to see the back of,

Nobody loved him – in fact he were reviled. 

So there’ no surprise in a hole he was found,

After all of the bad things that occurred,

It’s a sorry story that’s all evil and dark,

In this terrible tale of Richard the Third.

 

 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2013