Final Paper in Gove-Nomics

Gove-Nomics Paper 

This is the final paper for the degree course in Gove-Nomics.  It is not worth any marks, but you MUST complete all the questions, because those are the sad kind of bastards that you’re dealing with here.  You MUST get your head round this and learn to live with it. 

You have three years to get through college.  For this paper, however, you are only allowed five minutes.  Are there any other instructions that you’d like us to underline, or to place in CAPITALS? 

Use pencil, not pen, and cross out neatly.  If you have a piece of slate and some chalk, so much the better.  Welcome back to education the way it used to be!  Show all your working.  Calculators are not allowed, but reasonable amounts of common sense may be permitted in the exam room.

 

 QUESTION 1.  What is the technical term for the statement made by Michael Gove in the House of Commons yesterday?  Is it:

a)      A U-turn?

b)      An about-turn?

c)       A real turn-up for the books? 

QUESTION 2.  How would you best describe the attitude of Michael Gove in originally introducing his changes to the National Curriculum and examinations without any proper form of consultation? Is it:

a)      An arrogant little shit?

b)      A cocky little bastard?

c)       A patronising eejit, driven by political dogma? 

QUESTION 3.  What do you think Michael Gove’s political opponents will make of the current situation?  Will it be:

a)      As much political capital as possible?

b)      Nothing much, as they won’t understand what he’s just said anyway?

c)       An classic example of a twit-in-action for future generations? 

QUESTION 4.  How do you think Michael Gove’s change of heart will be received by the teaching profession?  Will they:

a)      Shake their heads sadly, and get back to doing the crossword?

b)      Nod their heads sagely, and say “I told you so”?

c)       Get out of their heads at the celebration party? 

QUESTION 5.  What will the Headmaster (D. Cameron Esq) and Deputy Head Master (N. Clegg Esq) say to Gove, Senior over this incident?  Will it be:

a)      “You’ve let the school down, you’ve let the Party down, but must of all, you’ve let the whole education system off lightly”?

b)      “Step forward all prize recipients!  No, not you, Gove!”?

c)       “Two years detention for you, Gove, you naughty boy”?

 

Check your answers carefully.  No account will be taken of sarcasm or irony.  Hand in your paper to the invigilator, then get the hell out of here.  And best of luck with what’s left of your education.

 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2013