An Idiot Abroad (or the dilemmas of
trying to choose a holiday this year)
I could be gay, with a good
holiday,
If there was any point
choosing,
But it’s not funny, when
there’s no money,
No, not even for boozing.
I’d be keener to be in Kenya,
It’d be neat to go to Crete
No, I just can’t compete.
I could do loads, over in
Rhodes,
Or be well fed, while in the
Med,
But it’s not funny, when
there’s no money,
So I’ll stop home instead.
It’d be bliss, on the canals
of Venice,
Or have a nice piece, walking
in Nice,
I can’t even afford Greece.
I’d get fresh in Marrakesh,
The streets I’d comb, when in
Rome,
But it’s not funny, when
there’s no money,
I think I’d better stay home.
I wouldn’t be at a loss, if I
went off to Kos,
It’d be a great day in
Montego Bay,
But I guess in Wiltshire I’ll
stay.
I could take her to Jamaica,
She’d be glad in Trinidad,
But it’s not funny, when
there’s no money,
So she’ll only be sad.
I wouldn’t fear her in
Madeira,
I’d talk to her in Majorca,
But we can’t even get to
Minorca.
She said I was a wanker in
Sri Lanka,
Why couldn’t we loll, on the
Costa del Sol?
Cos it’s not funny, when
there’s no money,
(She’s not always a doll).
I could be ruder in Bermuda,
Or be a dago in Tobago,
But I just can’t afford to
go.
It might be finer in China,
I long to be in Hong Kong,
But it’s not funny, when
there’s no money,
So it’s here I belong.
It wouldn’t be hell in The
Seychelles,
My heart reaches for their
beaches,
It’s what economics teaches.
I hear it’s grotty in
Lanzarote,
I’d be a goer over in Goa,
But it’s not funny, when
there’s no money,
Morale just couldn’t be
lower.
I wouldn’t be a charley in
Bali,
But I’d be free in gay Paree,
And it’s the World I want to
see.
Just a breather in Ibiza,
Or we could booze on a long
cruise,
But it’s not funny, when
there’s no money,
There’s just nothing to
choose.
So no more of package tours,
My best friend just wouldn’t
lend
So it looks like a week in
Southend.
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