Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 29th November 2020
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. The streets of The Vize were lined with almost seven people this week when the funeral cortege of Bobby “Killer” Knocker, erstwhile left back (sometimes in the dressing room) of Athletico D-Town Wanderers, was hauled towards the Anusol Memorial Crematorium & Massage Parlour by his favourite vehicle – a Waddie brewery dray, pulled by two magnificent dray horses. Famous not only as a footballer of dubious merit (who can forget the infamous 1978 Wiltshire Germolene Cup incident where he “accidently” guided his foot into the groin of Real Potterne Ramblers’ star striker Willy Stroker just as he was about to score a winning goal), but also as a keen snooker-player, ferret-wrangler, and leader of The Wounded Ferret’s premiership goat-nadgering team. He will be sadly missed, especially by the town’s publicans, many of whom may now go out of business.
2.
Black Friday came and went,
together with Turquoise Tuesday, White Wednesday and Mauve Monday, largely
unnoticed in D-Town. However, the
Market Place witnessed a few protesters with placards and banners protesting
that “Black Friday Matters”, but they were countered by another demonstrators
from the “All The Days Matter” movement.
A stand-off between the two factions was avoided when the police
employed the unusual tactic of buying everyone a takeaway coffee and a slice of
stollen. The peace-pact was sealed as
everyone paused to watch the passing funeral cortege of Bobby “Killer” Knocker.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020
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