Let nothing you dismay.
Remember, Sales, our
saviours,
Start before the Christmas
day.
To save us all from credit's
power,
When we have gone astray.
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy,
O tidings of comfort and joy.
Crawling through Devizes,
With a one-horse open dray,
Through the streets we go,
Delivering Wadworths for
Christmas day.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to ride
Down the slopes on an old
tea-tray.
Silent night, holy night,
All is calm, all is bright.
Through yon window, go two
local hoods,
Wholly intent to steal all
your goods.
You know they don’t give a
hoot,
Sell them at the car boot.
Once in Royal Marlborough’s
city,
Stood a lowly public school,
Where a parent sent her baby,
To see if he was a fool.
But he found it quite a
breeze,
To say nothing of the fees.
Wally, wally!
At the first punch-up over
Christmas, he was a Wally.
For the wally bears a tattoo,
And a ear-ring that’s made of
gold,
He’s the hardest man round
here, or so I am told.
The twelve things of
Christmas which are such a pain to me:
- Twelve tuneless Christmas carols,
- Eleven stale TV specials,
- Ten "Batteries Not Included",
- Nine No Parking signs!
- Eight Charities collecting!
- Seven round for dinner!
- Six pies a-mincing!
- Five months of bills!
- Four days of drinking!
- Three santas fighting!
- Too much Christmas pudding,
- And finding a bloody Christmas tree.
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