Search This Blog

Friday, 11 March 2016

C'mon Charlie!

C’mon Charlie!

C’mon, Charlie, there’s a good lad!  Go on, my son!  Get stuck in there!
Don’t let him get past you!  He’s only got two left feet!  He’s a great lump of lard!  Tackle him, go on!  Don’t let him pass!.......Oh, unlucky, Charlie!  C’mon, son, get back up – it’s only a bit of mud!

C’mon, Charlie, move up!  Move up!  Get involved in the game!  Create some space!
That’s it!  Good lad, c’mon, you can do it……..oh!!!  Never mind, c’mon, don’t worry about it – he just got lucky, that’s all.  Lucky tackle!!!

C’mon, Charlie, you’ve got it!  Go on, son, take ‘em on, you can do it!........Oh! Referee!!  Did you see that!  Foul!  You must be blind if you didn’t see that!   Call yourself a referee?  You’re a bloody disgrace!  My boy could have been crippled by a tackle like that!  What sort of decision was that?

C’mon, Charlie, keep moving.  Remember – you’ve got to make space off the ball.  Make yourself available!  Over here, Charlie, over here!.....No, not over there, son, over here…..No, no, now you’re out of position…..watch their winger!  Watch their winger!!......Oh, and now they’ve gone and scored!.......  Well, of course they have, Charlie, you were right out of position,son!

C’mon, Charlie, you’re only three-nil down – still plenty of time yet!  C’mon, you don’t see West Ham getting down-hearted when they go three-nil down, do you?.....Well, alright, sometimes they do, but that’s West Ham for you, isn’t it?  Or Man United?  ……..Yes, I know they never go three-nil down, but that’s not the point…….

C’mon Charlie, pass it, pass it!  To your Number Seven!  Look – he’s in acres of space!  Give it to him, give it to him!.......Not like that!  Now you’ve given it away again!  Didn’t you see the Number Seven?  ………Vision, Charlie, you’ve gotta have vision!  Remember what your coach told you last week?  ……If you can’t apply what you’re learning, there’s no point me paying for lessons is there?  God knows, they cost enough!  And your mother complaining all the time……

C’mon, Charlie, look it’s no use crying!  Don’t let the others see you crying!  They’ll think you’re not hard enough.  They’ll think you’re not up to it.  You don’t see David Beckham crying, do you?.....Well, yes, he does cry sometimes, but that’s not the point…….

C’mon, Charlie – you’re clean through!  Go on, my son!  Shoot!  Shoot!......Oh, what a lucky save!  Oi, goal-keeper!  Goal-keeper!  Yes, you, goal-keeper – that was a jammy save, that was, jammy!  How you got away with that, I’ll never know.  My boy had you beat there……just a shame he pushed it wide at the last moment.  Any other time, that’d been a goal.  You jammy bugger!

C’mon, Charlie, it’s no use blaming your new boots!  Of course they’re not too big!  You’ll grow into them!  Didn’t you wear the extra pair of socks, like I told you to?......’Cos they were a bloody bargain, they were, that’s why.  Lot of lads would be glad to have a pair of boots like that.  No! – you are not going to tell your mother!  I forbid it, d’you hear?  Just get on with it, and stop moaning, will you?

C’mon, Charlie, you can still do it…….what?  What’s happening?  The coach has pulled you off?  Unbelievable!  No!  No!  That’s not possible!  …….Coach!....Coach!.....Yes you!  What the hell do you think you’re doing, pulling my boy off like that?  Best player on the pitch – by miles, you plonker, by bloody miles!  What sort of coach are you, anyway?......Right!  Right!...Well, I don’t have to stay and listen to that sort of abuse.   Oh, yeh?....You and whose army?....OK, OK, I’m going.

C’mon, Charlie – get changed and showered, we’re going home!  Yes, we can get a pizza on the way.  But don’t tell your mother……


Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2016

No comments: