Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 2nd May 2021
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. A major row has broken out in D-Town’s Council Chamber after it was discovered that the Lord Mayor had decided to redecorate his private office using materials supplied by B&Q and Wilko. Having paid for the materials himself, and declared the receipts in the Register of Members’ Interests, he was criticised by the Leader of the Opposition, Bob Sherunkle. “This is totally unacceptable,” he said. “No self-respecting mayor should use such cheap and shoddy materials when we have a local stockist for Ball & Farrow in the town. And it shows precious little respect for the long tradition we have in the borough for having a properly devious, self-centred and hypocritical scandal. Keeping things all above board like this is just totally unacceptable.”
2. The centre of the town will be under curfew from 9pm tonight, and restaurants and licensed premises will be asked to close by 8.45pm, so that everyone can be at home to watch the final episode of “Shine of Beauty”. This gripping serial, which has been through 43 series and 6,107 episodes now, is expected to finally reveal the identity of “H”, or “the fourth child” responsible for controlling the OCG (Organised Cabbage Group) for stealing brassicas from allotments down by the canal. It is hoped that the final denouement will be a CHIS (Complete & Hysterical Identity Solution).
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021
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