Who Was That?

Who Was That?

I’m trying to solve a mystery

Something that’s been bothering me

I’m searching for a criminal mind

As you will shortly be able to see

 

It started off in the fridge

When looking for the chocolate I’d left

The wrapper was folded and torn

And of half the bar I was bereft

 

There were no footprints leading away

No clues I could possibly follow

But a theft had been committed

Leaving me feeling empty and hollow

 

The next outrage was in the bathroom

(I’d only popped in for a widdle)

When I couldn’t help but notice

The toothpaste had been squeezed from the middle

 

The toilet seat was in the wrong position

But worse than that was that I found

Someone had been here before me

The loo roll was fitted the wrong way round!

 

The bins hadn’t been emptied

The dirty dishes not cleared away

I was finding lots of things wrong

As I walked round the house on that day

 

Someone had drunk the last of the milk

In the bread-bin there was only a crust

I had to find out who was doing these things

And uncover the perpetrator I must!

 

Who was it that left their keys in the door?

And failed to shut the windows last night?

Where have these dirty foot-prints come from?

And who forgot to switch off the light?

 

I must do some basic detective work

Before I rush to call in Scotland Yard

There’s evidence all over the place

I’m sure that it can’t be that hard

 

I already have my suspicions

Of who left all that mess on the mat

I really hate to point fingers

But I’m guessing it must be the cat 

 

The only problem with these theories

The thing that doesn’t hold any water

Is there’s no motive or opportunity

Nothing hangs together like it ought to

 

No, I’ll just have to face up to facts

Which any amateur sleuth would soon see

Now that I’m living all on my own

Means the criminal just has to be …me!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021