Ooh Matron! – What A Carry On
Don’t you bandy words with me, my friend
Nor act the goat like some silly-billy
Use the proper language like you ought to
Not all over the place, all willy-nilly
Let’s talk about the undiscussable
A subject that’ll make you very jumpy -
How’s Your Father, Hanky-Panky
Yes - I mean slap-and-tickle, a bit of Rumpy-Pumpy
So let us not delay nor shilly-shally,
But use these euphemisms to be witty
So that when we get down to the jiggy-jiggy
We’re not being coy, but near the nitty-gritty
Some people fancy a Yummy Mummy
And say so when they’re feeling flirty
But what about a Sweaty Betty, Busty Dusty,
Frilly Jilly, Bendy Wendy or a Dirty Gertie?
See - it’s all about the way you were brought up
And the cloth from which you were cut
Never be afraid to mention the unmentionable
After all – it’s just good old honest smut!
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