Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 23rd 2021
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. D-Town was dealt a further blow to its civic pride last night in the Wiltsovision Song Contest, held in the back room of a seedy pub in the outer reaches of the Chippenham Desolation Zone. Scoring a record nil points for the forty-seventh consecutive year, the promoters admitted that we might just need to up our game slightly. In fact the song, delivered by local D-Town favourite Des Perrate, was considered to be so poor that we were lucky to score even zero. Even the entry by the local Pro-Israeli rap-group Smash Palestine To Bits managed to score more points, in what many consider to be simply a popularity contest. No music was used in the making of this contest.
2. The confusion over the Council’s different advisory colour bandings for travel outside of the borough continues. Following the previously simple, if occasionally misunderstood, red/amber/ green system, the new 47-shades of confusion guidance is bewildering. The magenta-band boroughs can only be visited on Wednesday afternoons, and following a successful test for standing on one leg for two minutes. The light-brown band boroughs, on the other hand, relate to alternating Tuesdays, and require visitors to recite the alphabet backwards three times without error. Otherwise 5 days’ quarantine is required, but only if there is a “y” in the name of the day.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021
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