That Takes The Biscuit
They say a drink’s too wet without one,
And that’s not just a piece of somebody’s wit,
Cos when you settle down with a cuppa tea,
It’s no good without some sort of biscuit.
But finding the right kind can be tricky,
And there’s some myths need de-bunking,
Cos if it’s the wrong consistency,
Then it’ll be no good for dunking.
It’s got to home-baked and British,
Cos those foreigners can be a bit potty.
If you’re not careful it’ll be Amaretti,
A Florentine or a biscotti.
The Flap-jack, Cereal Bar and Blue Riband,
The Club, the Domino and all of that,
These fancy types are all very well,
But they don’t measure up to a Kit-Kat.
But you’re surely asking for trouble,
If you start off with chocolate in fingers.
You see, it melts off in the hot tea,
It covers everything, and it lingers.
Any kind of a sandwich, can be a real bitch,
And an Oatcake’s insufficiently hard,
And a Jaffa Cake’s a bit of a fake:
So’s a Garibaldi, called a Flies Graveyard.
People go to grand cities, to find a McVities,
To find Mis-Shapes, (those biscuits in bits),
To be daintily fed, on slices of Shortbread,
Or crackers with cheese, sometimes called Ritz.
You’d be knackered, with any kind of cracker:
You’d not want to suck, on one of those TUC,
Might even be safer, with some kind of wafer,
But a Bath Oliver’d give you no luck.
Of Ginger Nuts and various Cookies,
Their supporters would sing a grand tune:
Of Marie, Butter Pecans and Fig Rolls,
The Jammy Dodger, the Coconut Macaroon.
Now I don’t want to stand here and Hob-Nob,
About Oreos and Wagon Wheels:
For it would seem, that like Custard Creams,
Each of them turns into goo and congeals.
Crispbreads and Mini Cheddars ain’t the thing,
It’d even be neater, with a Ryvita.
Oats and nuts, just ain’t got the guts,
But a Digestive’s a world-beater.
It can be Nice to have a Rich Tea,
A Lincoln, or a Morning Coffee,
But a brown Bourbon, would be frowned upon,
And can’t match a Digestive for toffee.
So taking all into consideration,
My conclusion’s more than suggestive:
Just forget every other kind of biscuit -
You know where you are with a Digestive!
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