A Poem For Movember

For all those of us that are trying to grow a moustache from scratch for Movember........

By A Whisker

Remember, Remember, now it’s November,

It’s time that we all had a bash,

Time to think of men’s prostate charities,

And had a go at growing a moustache! 

This ain’t a task to be taken lightly,

To be altering your features so facial,

Especially when starting from scratch,

And the rate of production is glacial. 

It can change your appearance quite sudden,

As the first fluff appears on the lip,

But it takes longer than you might at first think,

Before, with scissors, you’re ready to snip. 

So while you’re waiting for the bristles to grow,

You can anticipate what might appear beneath,

Along that delicate, thin strip of skin,

Between your nose, and your lips and your teeth. 

You start with a stencil, the shape of a pencil,

Then, as it becomes lush, more like a bush,

You can raise the bar to greater ambition,

Till you’ve got something more like a toothbrush. 

Then you can start piling and styling,

It’s not too taxing, while you’re relaxing,

You feel like a Charley, and look something like Dali,

But that requires much more curling and waxing. 

Then your style can get more creative:

There’s lots you can do, with hair that’s all new:

You could go far, with a large handlebar,

Or train it to look like Fu Manchu. 

You’d look no fatter, with a Zapata,

A Mexican style that looks pretty dapper,

Careful engraving, done whilst you’re shaving,

And you’ll end up looking like Frank Zappa.

If you’ve material, to grow an Imperial,

And you can do this without any fuss,

Then you’re well on your way to celebrity,

And will soon resemble a walrus. 

When you’ve got there, you can say that you’ve made it;

You can afford to be all cock-a-hoop:

Remember the greatest use for a moustache

Is something for straining your soup!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012