Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 22nd March 2020
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1. DIY
stores in D-Town have been inundated as people trapped at home by Covid-19
precautions turn to home decoration. Not
since the Napoleonic War have people’s houses looked so well-maintained and
their gardens so well-kept. The phrase
WFH (meaning Working From Home) has now come to mean Wasting Time From Home,
Walking Round In Circles From Home, Wanking From Home, Washing From Home.
Writing From Home and Whiling The Time Away From Home.
2. The
stores have also sold out of two metre-long bargepoles, as people attempt to
socially distance themselves from one another.
Wannabe lovers, previously rejected with the withering phrase “I wouldn’t
touch you with a bargepole” are now feeling confident and smug that they are unlikely
to catch the virus under any future circumstances. Equally, delivery drivers with MyHermes and
CPD, practised in the art of not ringing doorbells but merely throwing parcels
over the fence or wall before running back to their van, are now feeling fully
justified in their actions.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020
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