Self-Isolation

Self-Isolation

We’ve all been told to stay at home

Self-isolate whilst this Covid-19 thing rages

And not just for a mere fourteen days

But for absolutely bloody ages!

Don’t go out and spread the disease!

Don’t panic, or over-stock yourselves!

There’s no need to buy so many toilet rolls!

You don’t need to empty all of the shelves!

But what to do with all those empty hours?

How to pass the time when I’m all by myself?

Maybe a chance to complete those unfinished jobs

Like finally putting up that bathroom shelf?

I’ve cleaned the house from top to bottom

And I’ve re-decorated three rooms already this week

I’ve done all the washing and all of the ironing

And I’ve not nearly got near to my peak!

My CDs are now alphabetically arranged

And I’ve been through all of my DVDs

This constant round of activity

Will surely bring me down to my knees

Already I’m feeling totally knackered

Dashing around the house is making me dizzy

But I’m staving off the worst of the boredom

By keeping myself so thoroughly busy

I’ve eaten almost everything in the fridge

And the freezer’s looking increasingly bare

I may have to venture to the supermarket later

That’s if I can summon the nerve to dare

Meanwhile I’m making meals from what I can find

Things from all around the house

Tonight it’s going to be made from scouring pads,

Some shoe polish, and a tiny dead mouse

The garden’s looking immaculate

Better than it has done for many a year

It’s my only chance to get in the outdoors

My only real exercise I fear

I’ve read all my books and magazines

For anything new I’d almost grovel

But on a more positive note -

I’ve nearly finished my second novel

  

There’s no more live sport on the telly

So everything’s closed to my view

And the BBC’s stopped filming Eastenders -

Well, at least that’s one piece of good news!

Of course I’ve started talking to myself

It creeps up on you, alone day after day

But the worst thing about it all

Is that I’ve run out of new things to say

My hair has grown long and quite straggling

And my beard is now several inches long

Should I be bothered to shower each day?

Would that really be terribly wrong?

And there’s a new thing to worry about -

What if someone comes to the door?

Will I have to pretend not to be in?

Will I have to hide by lying on the floor?

Do-gooders can be awfully persistent

That’s just one of my several gripes

What do I have to do to keep them away?

Pick up the ukulele, the banjo or bagpipes?

There’s a few of us thinking of getting together

But the idea’s not just for a social meet

We’re forming a raiding party just in case

An Ocado van ventures into our street

How long before the drugs and the beer run out?

How long am I expected to last?

When will all of this be finally over?

When will the epidemic have passed?

Dear Lord, give me strength to hang on to my sanity

Let me live to see how the virus news trends

I just want to still be around to witness

When the DFS sale finally ends.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020