Being English

Being English

I hear you claim that you’re English,

English through and through -

You wrap yourself up in the flag,

Proud of the red, white and blue.

 

You want people to know where you stand,

Not sitting on the rickety fence,

Descended from a long line of the English -

Well let’s examine the hard evidence.

 

Your heritage is a complex mixtures of genes:

Normans, Angles, and Saxons are all in the mix,

As are Romans and Moors and the Jutes,

That’s not forgetting the Celts and the Picts.

 

An Englishman’s home is his castle,

Living elsewhere would be such a wrench  -

There’s just one fly in this ointment -

All the great English castles are French!

 

Saint George is your national symbol,

A dragon-slaying heroic saint,

But he’s from the Levant, that’s Turkey to you,

So English he certainly ain’t!

 

And your great institutions of state?

English? Surely that’s what is meant?

The monarchy?  The Royal Family?

Nah – you’re ruled by a Queen of German descent!

 

There’s very little to find that’s true English,

No matter how deeply you seek -

Even Parliament’s an imported idea,

And your democracy is Greek!

 

Fish and chips are your national dish,

Eaten with gusto across your great land,

But the spuds were brought back from America,

And the cod’s imported from Iceland!

 

Your favourite car is German

Your vodka is Russian, your pasta Italian

Kebabs are from Turkey, curry from India

Coffee from Brazil, tea from India

Your shirts are sewn in Indonesia

Even your numbers are Arabic, and letters are Latin

Your oil is Arabian, your software is American

And on top of all these,

To add insult to injury,

Your electronics are Chinese! 

 

For it’s waves and waves of immigration,

Other races coming to England to stay,

A continuous genetic melting-pot

That carries on up to this day.

 

Inter-marriage and natural selection

Have created a strong, heady brew.

We’re all multi-racial mongrels now -

Yes - English through and through!

 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021