Still More Greetings Cards

On returning from your first New Age retreat: 

Welcome home again, old thing

It’s good to see you in the flesh all pinky

Years have fallen from your features

Your skin is smoother and less wrinkly!

 

Welcome back to meat and chocolate

Let your hair down, and have a flirt

There’s much more to life than muesli

And yurts, and yoga, and pro-biotic yoghurt!

 

On having to pay 5p for a plastic bag: 

It’s so nice that you can do your bit

Supporting the environment’s fantastic

To make you think about re-useability

Rather than simply using plastic

 

But there’s one thing bothering me

A problem that we must take in hand

If they’re charging now for carriers

Can they still call it Poundland?

 

On realising you’re driving a diesel: 

Oh my God how awful!

VW are speaking like a weasel

They’ve been cheating on the tests

And sold you a sodding diesel!

 

I’ll bet you’re as mad as mad can be

And furious that you’ve been taken in

It doesn’t matter what your engine type

It seems that you just can’t win!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021