Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 28th February 2021
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Massive disappointment this week in D-Town for music fans: after 22 years of topping the charts the pop-synth duo Stupid Twat have decided to call it a day and retire from performing. Famous for their career-long insistence on remaining anonymous by wearing full-face helmets (recently converted to Covid masks), they shocked fans even further by removing the head-covers to reveal their true identity: Mr. & Mrs. Potato-Head! Who knew?
2.
Meanwhile the twists and turns of
local politics continued to be dominated by fish. The Leaderene Miss Mackerel has been attacked
in court by her predecessor Alex Haddock for mishandling his sardine-rape
case. ‘By cod,’ he declared, ‘this is
not the time or the plaice to be making accusations. It sticklebacks in my throat to be herring them. She’d better not come the raw prawn with me –
she hasn’t got the mussel to do it. She’s
a total sprat. And I’ll bet she’s
accepted thousands of squid to do it.’ Miss
Mackerel later said that Mr Haddock had “had his chips”.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021
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