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Monday, 22 February 2021

Extreme Tidying For Beginners

Extreme Tidying For Beginners

Some people can live right on the edge

In a minute-by-minute existence

With possessions that are rife

But not me and the wife

It’s the path to married strife

Not for us an ad-hoc approach to life

 

No - we’ve lifted ourselves right out of that zone

Our lives have taken on a new tone

We’ve ascended to a higher plane of being

And with minimalism we’re agreeing

We’ve risen above chaos’s curse

We cannot imagine anything worse

Yes - we’ve taken orderliness to heart

Made a completely new start

And adopted the Ancient Yorkshire art

Of extreme tidiness

 

For the true key to life is perfect alignment

Each object must have a specific assignment

With a right place for every single thing

Where empty space and straight edges are king

Using the power of re-positioning

And the discipline of re-purposing

We allow nothing to clutter the floors

And we’ve removed all of the doors

 

Our books are now filed alphabetical

Disorder is completely antithetical

To be haphazard would be heretical

The quest for inner cleanliness is clear

And self-purification we hold dear

Now we have nothing to fear

We’ve sublimated our souls to Ikea

 

The science of feng-shui is our creature

Surplus possessions are no longer a feature

Mind over matter is our only teacher

You cannot imagine the shock

The self-flagellation that would block

The critics that would mock

To humiliation we’d be in hock

In the event that we found…. a stray sock

 

No – that way to shame and self-loathing lies

Focused meditation makes us wise

The road to tidiness lies in that guise

The Zen of self-improvement cannot be disguised 

 

Everything not wanted - we sell

Our chakras align and gel

We’ve escaped from our living hell

Our lounge resembles a monastic cell

Our home is almost an empty shell

 

The house is totally enchanting

Exceptions to our rules we’re not granting

We’re calm, not panting and ranting

The seeds of doubt we’re not planting

And we end each day with joyful chanting

 

From what you have heard

It must have occurred

That order is to be preferred

And that Joy is our watchword

 

The wife and I make an excellent team

And I know it may seem

That we’re severe and extreme

In pursuit of our dream

But now that every possible thing has been tidied,

We’ve formulated a new scheme –

We’re going to make the garden gleam!

 

 Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021

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