God Throws In The Towel
Come and listen to me, you sinners,
And I’ll tell you this for beginners -
Here’s a situation without any winners.
You lot never listen, so here’s a prod -
I’m getting fed-up of sitting here on me tod,
So I’ve decided to jack it all in as Lord God.
It’s a big vacancy that I’ll be freeing,
Cause it’s ever so tiring being all-seeing,
To say nothing of acting the Supreme Being.
I was a Creator once, at a previous stage,
But now I’m approaching an advanced age,
And it’s unrewarding, never receiving a wage.
For all eternity I’ve been celibate:
It’s been lonely up here with no mate,
Apart from that slip-up with Mary on our last date.
The Devil’s buggered off, now Ratzinger’s gone:
There’s no interest in what I get up to – none!
So just what’s the point of carrying on?
You might think it’s a doddle being divine,
But it’s boring, and not everything’s fine,
And that’s why I’ve decided to resign.
I’m leaving Heaven, I’m deserting that town,
So there’s no use wearing that frown:
From the end of next month I’m stepping down.
Creation all started off so well, I guess,
Then it all went badly downhill, I confess,
Now look at it all – what a bloody mess!
It’s all falling apart – the centre cannot hold:
It needs someone younger, a divinity more bold,
Or maybe I’m just getting too old?
I’m the Ancient Of Days, and I’m tired,
And, though I know I can never be fired,
I think a new guy should be interviewed and hired.
Anyway, I think it would be for the best,
Cos by now you’ve probably guessed,
Frankly – I’ve completely lost interest!
Finding a new Father might be quite rough,
But that’s your bloody problem now – tough!
I hate to be leaving you all in the lurch,
But I’m totally hacked off with the Church,
So for a successor you’ll need to get on with the search.
Just one piece of advice, I say with a great howl:
I know that I’m the one throwing in the towel,
But for My sake, please don’t get Simon Cowell!
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