Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 31st March 2024

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 31^st March 2024 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      Official protests have been lodged with the Embassy of The Populist Republic of Trowvegas, after it was discovered that pirated copies of D-Town TV television programmes had been doctored to portray a different and warped view of normal practices in The Vize.  Pictures of feral yoofs had been deep-faked  and ;pixelated to hide their knives and bikes (which are banned in TPRT because of their decadent capitalist connotations), and portraying such individuals helping old ladies across the road, stroking cats and dogs, and behaving well in school.  An enraged D-Town spokesperson said “this is a total misrepresentation.  In D-Town we allow feral yoof to run free and unhindered. These faked positive images give completely the wrong impression.” 

2.    And D-Town’s police force will now be able to grow facial hair.  The rules will be that moustaches and beards must be clipped and kept neatly, properly groomed, and not so long as to interfere will normal operational duties.  The men in the force will also be allowed to do the same. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2024

 

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 10th March 2024

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 10^th March 2024 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      Following various interviews given by Town Councillors, detailed instructions have now been issued to D-Town citizens on how to load a washing machine (and what programme to use), how to stack a refrigerator for optimal storage, and how to iron a shirt properly.  Previous guidance on washing-up, cooking a three-course meal and emptying the bins should be ignored, as once the councillors have been interviewed again, new guidelines are expected to be issued. 

2.    And it has also been announced that bus-routes in the borough are to drop the route-numbers, with which they’ve been associated since Jesus was a boy, in favour of new woke route names.  Details are still to be finalised but the D-Town to TrowVegas route may be named The Shirtlifter Line, D-Town to Chippenham as The County Line(s) and D-Town to The Sham as the Take Life In Your Own Hands Line. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2024